I know exactly when admiration for Jewish culture crossed the line to flirting with converting.
I am a fan of Nellie Bowles’ writing, so I decided to check out what she looked and sounded like. I found an interview with her and her wife, Bari Weiss*, at the American Jewish University. Bari is Jewish; Nellie was not. That had changed, and this interview was about that.
At first, it seemed like an odd idea. I was an atheist, after all. Still, I started reading about Reform Judaism, specifically what it required of converts. I assumed belief in God – in the traditional, biblical sense – would be the dealbreaker. What I discovered surprised me. Reform Judaism did not require theological certainty so much as openness: openness to something larger than oneself, to community, to practice, to obligation. I didn’t need to attest to belief in a literal God in the sky – only that I took Judaism and its practices seriously. That cracked the door wide open.
Only later did I learn that the vast majority of Reform Jews are atheists or agnostics in the conventional sense – people who don’t believe in a personal, intervening God but who still find meaning, structure, and moral grounding in Jewish life. Many of these people do believe in some form of higher power, of course. Only about 20% are skeptical of anything spiritual at all. Of course, secular Jews with no religious affiliation are overwhelming atheists.
Once the idea lodged itself in my brain, it didn’t let go. I talked to Jean, a Jewish friend from a national online group I participated in, who immediately and continuously encouraged me.
Then I called my dear friend Lynn, who had converted in her twenties. Her conversion had been connected to marriage, but even after that marriage ended, she remained Jewish in thought, if not always in practice. She said that the Orthodox Rabbi asked her view about God and she said “I have my doubts.” He responded - “Great, you are a Jew!” It seemed… doable. Not effortless, but manageable.
I spoke with another friend, Linda, who had also converted – not because her husband asked her, but because she wanted to. Like Nellie, she had chosen Judaism for herself. Every conversation nudged me further along.
Many people assumed I was converting because of my wife. In fact, she isn’t Jewish. She’s also a firm atheist and wants no part of anything that might imply belief in God. When I finally told her I was thinking about conversion, she was surprised – but not unsettled. She knows me. She understands what drives me. While she had no interest in conversion herself, she has been consistently supportive in practical, lived ways – joining me for Friday-night candles, sharing rituals, and treating what I’m doing as something real and worth her time. That kind of support, given without sharing the belief system, has made all the difference. I wouldn't have done it without her support.
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I talked next to an old secular Jewish friend, Harry, who was equally encouraging. Looking back, it’s striking that among all the people I initially consulted, only one was even close to what might be called a “practicing” Jew. Still, the encouragement was unanimous.
So I took a concrete step. I told a friend who was deeply involved in our local temple that I was considering conversion and asked whether non-Jews could serve on committees. I have a background in facilities and maintenance, and I thought I could be useful even if I never converted. He said yes – and I joined the Buildings & Grounds Committee that very day. He suggested that the next step was to talk with Rabbi Shifra.
When I contacted her, she was clear and refreshingly direct. Study mattered, she said, and she recommended books and classes. But practice mattered just as much–maybe more. Judaism isn’t something you evaluate from a distance. I needed to be present. To participate. To see whether the community was right for me, and whether I was right for it.
I told her I’d already joined Buildings & Grounds.
I was on the road and never turned back.
* Bari Weiss is a controversial figure and is often portrayed as hard-right or pro-Trump, particularly in recent commentary. That characterization does not match my own reading of her work. While she is clearly center-right and outspoken about free speech and institutional norms, she has been consistently critical of Trump’s character, even while emphasizing respect for the presidency as an office. I’m a subscriber to The Free Press and find the caricature unconvincing.
None of this should be taken to reflect on Nellie Bowles, who is very much her own writer with her own politics. Nellie is a singularly funny and sharp columnist who skewers both left and right with equal enthusiasm in her weekly TGIF column in The Free Press, which I recommend without reservation.
